THE ROPE OF HOPE

Cold hands...jittery heart....exploding thoughts....

Waves of jitters start from the toes and poke the soul....

Its on my head and everywhere I go....

Cant seem to think beyond it....

Fear of uncertainity coupled with the mystery of the unknown...

Entangles me in a web......I'm trying...I'm fighting ...I'm hoping....

The problem is I dont know......the problem is nobody knows....

With a thousand exploding thoughts my head takes a quantum leap...

while my soul stays put...the jitters stay put dark and deep....

Coming in waves ....sweeping away the floor from below me...

Forget being sure...I need to atleast know.....

Show me a sign....

Send me the rope of hope

Hope & Faith

Hope, faith, optimism, patience, passion, & ambition.........
Fear, insecurity, pessimism, pity, greed , pride, ego...........
MY nurtured ego,my blatant over confidnce,my cruel intentions,my raging ambition......
every pat on my back inflated my ego.....
every word of praise raised the bar further....
the burden of expectations is nothing compared to the pressure of performance....
benchmarked by no one else but my self....
The me myself and I are at loggerheads with each other...
Taking the risk just for kicks.......
The hope of winning big takes me on a different trip...
secure and unhappy.......insecure and happy.....
choose your sides..mines clearly defined...
for my benefit they've been made for me.....
The cheek to look into my own eyes and face my own decisions....
This is what I mean when I say that my life is mine....
I am the master of my own success and the reason for my own failure.....
And the sun my freinds is no more than a fiery canvass to etch my name upon......
So look out for me......
I promise...You'll wanna be a part of my DESTINY........

When anger engulfs...

When anger engulfs....my thinking gets warped...
Objectivity is the need of the hour......
It pokes my ego.......trying in vain to deflate it....
I wont let that happen...what's mine is mine....and I'll make sure it remains mine....
My mind's racing in a thousand different directions....
I need to halt...I need to breath...I need not to think...
I cant help thinking...its ingrained....its me......
There's too much noise in my head...ear plugs wont work...
I cant escape it....I want to run away but the "me" in me wont let me.....
If this is the way its meant to be I mite as well succumb....smile and move on.....
Yeah I'm a fighter....tougher and stronger with every defeat....
So this is to the world out there..."BRING IT ON...."
I'll stay put.....I'm ready with my sleeves all rolled....waiting with my gloves on.....
You fucking BRING IT ON NOW...........

When I became MY own enemy !!

This peace is unsettling...
Coupled with uncertainity its almost exciting....
Makes me wanna look forward to the future...
My reason for being here remains...
Confused and perplexed....
Standing tall with my feelings all mixed...
Am I just loosing myself in the process...
Why do I always have to be so clueless...
Surer of what NOT to do that what to do....
Irony seems to be middle name....
No one can help me till I know what I want...
Why is a problem if "EVERYTHING" is all I want...
Nothing makes sense anymore....
Waiting for that one opportunity to knock my door...
Do I even have a door or have I just shut myself in a place so unreachable...
that finding myself is becoming a task...
My private equation with God remains...
I wish I could have this pact with him....
For every tear that i drop...i get a crore....
But is that actually what i want....to cry and cry and cray crores...
Thats something I wouldnt even wish for an enemy....
Hence proved...I am my own enemy...............

My Childhood's Sad Demise

whatever happened to my childhood...
the breaking of my my every tooth....
the crush on the now not so handsome dude
when i was in the happiest of my moods....
not knowing a rude shock awaited me as i attained adulthood...
suddenly i am no more sixteen..
decisions,resposibilities and expectations umpteen...
the world becomes just so mean....
no one can make it stop....
with all the money in the world i just cant make it stop....
the trail of the tear drop....
leaves behind tails of compromise.....
that marks the sudden demise
of my childhood's reprise........
all i can do is wait for another sunrise.....
and struggle to survive....
walking along my uncertain path to becoming wise.......
all along hoping the child in me never dies.....

The Reciprocal Effect

Clearly a fabrication of my imagination which comes from my inherent nature to question things n wonder what if they cud be done in a different way....kinda scary...trust me...enjoy


The reciprocal effect
What if everything happened in reverse…?
What if we ended our life as a pleasurable orgasm rather than being an old haggard?
What if we cud exit a company with the nervous excitement of a fresher
What if with age our naivety increases and wisdom decreases
What if the best time of your life...Your childhood came at a time when we could really use it?
What if you are a mother before u became a daughter
What if u buys a house and car at 5 and the latest Barbie at 60?
This has left me pondering gods immaculately laid plans…..
You need to lose it to miss it...And that’s the crux of life…
You can’t question god….and his best laid plans….
Whatever happens ….happens for a reason and its best if u just accept them

Irony That Life Is

IRONY that life is
Just when you start losing all your hope….
Just when your life halts….stagnant and so still…..
God does something to completely change your life upside down…
And that’s the time when you feel that indeed you are one amongst his closest…
It’s totally his decision to not let your faith dwindle and your steps falter………..
But why is it so that u r ready to blame your failure on somebody…..
It cud be anyone…a bad boss…divorced parents…disturbed childhood
And why is it so that when you do succeed u r too scared to take all the credit for it….
Conventional wisdom goes otherwise…..
But the pace at which the world is moving now…There is hardly any room for conventional wisdom….
Irony seems to be omnipresent...
Ur either too short…too dark…too fat…too poor…..
Nobody cares if you’re happy….
Nobody cares that u cud be too dark n still very happy or too fat and still find a reason to smile
What’s wrong with the world?
Whys there so much judgment prevailing…
Do you absolutely have to have an opinion on everything…..?
Doesn’t being happy count anymore….
Do you have to be perfectly thin and abundantly rich…?
And if that’s so then can anyone please tell me somebody who’s thin …rich and happy….
Why is it such a problem if all I want is everything…?
Why can’t u have everything...?
That’s because you don’t have to have everything to be happy….
Happiness is a state of mind…
And you don’t always have to smile when you are happy…U can cry out of happiness…
As I earlier said…IRONY IS INDEED OMNIPRESENT….

A twenty something gurl

"a twenty something gurl" happened in the car on my long way back to gurgaon from Delhi.....my creativity just blossoms in the most non startegic places.....i hope u enjoy reading this as much as i enjoyed writing it.......

A twenty something gurl

What happens when everything that’s wrong…seems right
Nothing changes the reality…try as much as I might
Life is a reduced to a pack of flash cards
Trying in vain to hit bull eye with a dart
The more u chase the more it evades
Whether it’s for u or me life just doesn’t wait
Arrested under this thing called life
Like living in a congested bee hive
Standing in lines and idle Ques
Waiting to pay bills and unpaid dues
You may disagree with my views
But I am sure that the number is just a few
Coz I know I am not the only one…
This thing called life leaves every one undone
As I learn to handle its twists n twirls
I am but just a twenty something gurl…



Tanvir kohli

The Phases Of Life

THE PHASES OF LIFE

The traffic Jams, the noise pollution,
The road rage, the smokey skies,
The congested city, the red lights
Just everything about Delhi that’s mine


The green fields, the tall trees,
The open skies, the fresh side,
The breathtaking view, the awesome midnight dew,
Just everything that’s not mine……..


The canteen lunches, the magi brunches,
The boring classes, the incessant bunking,
The sleep time insomnia, the exam time amnesia,
The wild romances, the college masses
Just everything bout college life …that was once mine


The mother in law, the bedroom war,
An older husband and two young children
Giving him his towel and teaching them their first vowel,
Just everything bout married life that’s not yet mine


The Parkinson’s disease, the old age ease
The walking stick, the clock that ticks,
The wrinkled skin, the roof of tin
Just everything about old age that’s ultimately going to be mine


TANVIR KOHLI

Lucky Bastard

Lucky Bastard hapened when my curiosity got the better of me....I was sitting in class...as usual clueless and lost , catapulted into a pondering state...and the result..well here it is for u to read....

LUCKY BASTARD

Man is a social animal…agreed…but what happens when all your co-animals are already taken care of…you could keep counting on your fingertips but you still won’t know whom to call….you keep hoping that future has something in store for u..And indeed I have no reason to complain….
I am just a 20 something girl who walks into college carrying just the latest issue of vogue which has Madonna planted on its cover…to a class full of strangers..
I miss the motivation, the burning passion, the drive to prove myself..
I lost it somewhere along the journey….
There’s no incentive anymore as I am torn between what destiny has in store for me and what I cud possibly do to change it…the question is that I need to know the future if I have to be proactive to do something about it...to change the course of events I need to know the initial course of events…aright I accept I am confused…and so are u…
So anyway who on the face of this earth can really tell me if there’s something you can do to change your destiny…or are u just a puppet guided by the unknown light given a thousand names by us…god almighty whatever…is there any experiment to prove that you can change your destiny…
Can a whore really stop being a whore…?
Can a homosexual suddenly develop feelings for the opposite sex?
Your guess is as good as mine???
No one knows and no one cares…
As I continue to attend the class without really caring bout what’s being taught I realize that love , happiness n destiny cannot be sought…though they come to every person who ever sat beside me….i am left pondering when will I get to be that lucky bastard…..

the dog that’s had HIS DAY

Confessions Of An Empty Brain!!!

This could possibly be the most productive use i have ever made of the random thoughts pouring in randomly when i dont really have a lot on my head..

Confessions Of An Empty Brain!!!

Why is it that what you get does not usually coincide with what you want and why is it that what you want…You can never have
Whoever coined the word COMPROMISE must have been such a looser…my heart goes out to him…
Its strange how such strong feelings can be put in such subtle words…
For example “sacrifice” totally lost its importance by way of over use in everyday life.
Why is easy easy and difficult difficult .what fun if we could devote time and understand each word spoken by us how ever silly it may sound? And what’s funny is how every word you once thought you knew changes its meaning every few years.
As a child hurt would merely mean a cut or a scratch but as you grow up you realize how bleeding knees are much better than bleeding hearts.
Love is one such word. Constantly changing .I have loved dogs, loved coloring, loved music, loved friends and family but still I feel I haven’t loved like you’re meant to love.
As I said earlier a lonely heart bleeds and an empty brain questions.

Placement,Placement everywhere but not a JOB to Take....

This is an insight into my mixed feelings which happen to surface whenever i think about my exams and placements which are like round the corner....anyone whose ever been to a b-grade b-school will agree with me when i say "placement ,placement everywhere but not a job to take"

WHEN TIME STOPPED…

Time….it never remains the same...it changes...Bringing with it newer experiences and interactions.The way you react to these experiences also keeps changing from time to time. There are sometimes you can be highly tolerant and at others you can’t stand it...You can’t stand the excruciating grueling torture that u can escape only after going through it.
When my 22 years come down to the next 20 days I am filled with mixed feelings. I am scared yet confident…I am competitive yet complacent…this I think comes from the fact that I am still dangling between the concept of destiny…..some say u can change it…some say u cant…well I am just a 20 something fence sitter…ask me this question like 10 years down the line and I might be in a better position to answer it…
Suddenly there is a spurt of decision and the worst part (which comes from having attained majority or adulthood) is that I don’t want to take the responsibility of those decisions. Can’t somebody just make them for me?
I am nervous and dejected at times and motivated and confident at others. I am getting to see myself like never before .I have become immune to stress...nothing affects me anymore…it’s like watching myself from a distance…watching myself everyday sitting in class…in canteen…never in the library though…and wasting time at home…
I want to work for it and yet not work…I know I should be preparing but I don’t…I know I should be reading the newspaper but I don’t…I just don’t…who am I fighting…why are there two me’s…one is super efficient and proactive and the other is lazy and complacent. How hard is it to work for yourself. Work hard to ensure that you do yourself some good.
These mixed feelings are noticeable now. They are there and they leave me hollow each time my heart beats.
Life has become a mere obligation. Sometimes I wish I had the same magical potion that made Rip Van Winkle sleep for 20 years.
As I struggle to read the newspaper everyday understanding what the subprime crisis was and how spectacularly China performed and hosted the Olympics I am overwhelmed.
I realize how I am just a miniscule part of this big bad world. I realize I am not the only one suffering and there are others who are screwed in more gargantuan proportions than me. And it’s sadistically comforting to know I am not alone.
As I mug up terms and definitions of different subjects I stop and think for some time and realize that I am surprisingly motivated by the time I end this article as opposed to how dejected I was when I started writing it. And it leaves me with a drive to live through another day .
I don’t want to know what happens the day I start with motivation and end in dejection cause then there won’t be another day .I would be done for good.



well i did end this on a very depressing note....it just sounds all dejected and mature but for the record m not all or any of that....so long.....Pray for me people.....

The Big Picture

Well this happens to my very first blog entry....so care to bear.....???

The Big Picture

There are miles and miles in my way
I’ll walk and walk if there’s no other way

Loneliness is but a companion
Choice for me is not an option

Things just keep happening
As I learn to say yes to things that don’t go my way

Looking for a hidden message in things everyday
It’s still elusive, far far away

Chance and change are not just words
They are the constants that rule the worlds

I am not a stone hearted statue
And patience has never been my virtue

I’m sick of duty
I’m sick of rules
They’ll know that I am not just a mule

Choosing……………loosing
Fretting……………..regretting
I’m sick of complaining
Waiting and waiting

If only I could see the big picture that god has drawn for me
But in the process I know I’d lose myself and me

The thrill and mystery of the unknown
Makes the wait worth so much more

I wish this wait is over soon
And I don’t keep waiting like a goon

I hope I’m happier than ever before
So that I don’t write dark poetry anymore

Thats it...i rest my case...rest in next...